Lost Somewhere
I don’t know
if this happens only in case of me or it happens to every one of my age. The
feeling of anxiety and 1st stage of depression type of feeling keeps
ruining my mind. Yeah, I sometimes compensate myself by telling that the
feelings would gradually vanish over time but it just never seems to go away. Maybe
this is due to my age but a guy at 19 years is at the end of his teenage and
had I been raised at first world countries like USA,UK or Australia, I would
have been on my own taking responsibilities and important life decisions.
I usually pass
my time surfing the internet. Simultaneously, jumping from facebook to
instagram to youtube in loop. It makes
the matter worse. It’s not like I tried like being social media free for a week
or perhaps for a month. In this modern era of technology, there is also the
fear of missing out on something. Given the situation now that I have a
girlfriend, It’s almost impossible that I quit the social media as the price rate
of phone call is too expensive to afford. It almost feels like I am stuck at
something.
My class 12
results were not better due to excessive use of phone so did my bachelors 1st
semester exams. The result is on the way and you literally have to wait for a year in case you are fail just to be appear
in the re-exam. Such kind of inhumane restrictions laid over by University has
damaged the lives of thousands of youths including me.
My screen
time period for a day is alarmingly high giving an open invitation for eye
damage. Although, I am online for almost 22 hours a day, you have to wait for
hours to get my reply. Seriously, I don’t want to talk to the people for most
part of the day. I skip the college most often now than I ever did before. My
mother and grandmother sometimes refer me as jungalee given that I have
not trimmed my hair and beard for almost a month and I myself get depressed
seeing my face in the mirror.
I frequently
have arguments with my brother, mother and grandmother over countless issues. I
sometimes feel guilty for my deeds and make commitments to myself saying I
would not repeat that mistakes again but such commitments are not serious
enough to bring a drastic change over my daily life.
So, I am
lost somewhere. There are countless other reasons that make me distracted from
my work thus preventing myself from reaching my goals. Apart from all these, I
choose to be happy from inside though not showing it to the outside world. I
just hope this is a phase in my life. Hopefully, I would come out of this soon
and live my life with even more positivity.
-Rohan Raj Mudvari